Relationships- Fighting Fair, What does this mean exactly? Often we fight over something that has blown out of proportion however because we are emotionally invested it can quickly escalate. Fighting Fair means we put a few steps in place to make sure we stay in the adult and remember it is not about being right. It’s about understanding each other’s opinion and sometimes we just don’t have the same opinion as our partner…

Some Steps To Help

Take some time to think about what you are upset about. Ask yourself why do I feel this way…. Our partners are not mind readers.

Be specific and focus on what the issue is, sometimes it escalates into several issues and this will make things worse therefore focus on one issue at a time.

No name calling, put downs or degrading language. This normally doesn’t resolve anything and is exhausting.

Remember to use “I statements” that way feelings are being shared and the conversation doesn’t become combative. Express your feelings and take responsibility for them.

Take turns in speaking. This is vital as it is important to listen to understand not to reply. Be careful not to interrupt, easier said than done however it is a good skill to have. Listen! Some find using a timer is helpful.

Do not use silence (stonewalling), retreating is not an effective way to resolve an issue. If you need time to process what has been said then say this using “I statements” then come back and discuss.

Yelling, raising your voice is a waste of energy and this isn’t a contest on who yells the loudest. It is not about who is right or wrong it is about feeling heard and respecting each persons opinion. Remember it is listening to UNDERSTAND !