How do I know when we need relationship counselling?

How do I know when we need relationship counseling? There are usually several indicators that inform couples that they need to engage in counselling. Sadly we sometimes choose to ignore the signs. I recommend you don’t.

You are worth the time and effort to have the desired relationship, marriage that you want.

Some indications:

  • Feeling like a flatmate – An intimate relationship is emotionally intimate and often we feel that the emotional availability of a partner has changed or the connection begins to decrease. Typically we justify this by saying “it’s only a stage”… It’s NOT! This is an indicator that you need to reconnect emotionally, sooner rather than later.


  • Lack of communication- Effective communication is the fundamental connection tool we have. Remember when you first met, you possibly talked all night and listen intently to each other. It feels wonderful, we feel heard, understood, emotionally connected and so on. If communication has broken down it is time to get professional help.


  • Less or No sex- A good healthy sex life is vital in a relationship and when the physical side starts to diminish in our relationship, you’d agree there is a problem. Many factors contribute to this change in your sexual relationship for example financial stress, depression, children, self esteem issues and more. We need to be proactive and have the difficult conversation to acknowledge there is a problem. Seek a professional counsellor to help you get the intimacy back into your relationship.


  • An Affair- This usually brings couples into counseling and is one of the more challenging issues however if you are committed to the counselling process and to making positive changes this is the ideal opportunity for growth for the couple as well as the individual. With the professional counselors guidance your marriage can become stronger, healthier and reach a level of love you never thought possible.


  • Ready- I’m a big believer that you each need to be ready for change before you start counselling. If one partner is ready and the other isn’t, this is OK. Start individual counselling to help yourself make the changes to become a better version of yourself. In my experience working with an individual having relationship concerns, I have found the other partner will usually want to engage in counseling as they notice the positive changes in their partner and wish to be part of this. We do need to be patient not only with ourselves but toward our partner.